Robert Doyle, Bored Mayor of the Council of Cockheads, OBE.

King of the Culture-Haters:

http://www.theage.com.au/national/badly-talented-buskers-on-doyles-hit-list-20081201-6o31.html

He says:

Burn the ‘badly talented’ begging buskers on the streets of Melbourne.

Their fleas and unemployment and unsightly poverty have no place.

Buskers bring the ‘bogans’; not the burbs, or the beers, or the buses.

Sorry the songs of the streets aren’t fit for your refined tastes, Bobby.

Silence the sidewalks, everyone stare straight ahead and stomp in solitude.

Commandant of the Fun-Police:

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/exford-hotel-ruling-fury-over-allnight-bottle-shop-20100310-pxu3.html

He wants to:

Blow up the Exford, the best bar in town.

Best because it’s always open, over the bar and over the counter,

but especially under the table.

Long-neck lover’s let us rejoice, for his wish knocked back has been.

We’ve golden ale and coopers pale, our home is ‘boganality’.

Proprietor of Perversion.

His solution for street violence:

“I think it would pay to put all male patrons who enter public institutions of alcoholism through a short video-seminar extolling the virtues of homosexual rape as a very worthy, very achievable alternative to drunken street violence. Next time you feel aggressive under the influence of the demon drink in a public place, simply spike another patron’s drink, and drag them back to the comfort of your own home. By then proceeding to repeatedly rape your fellow degenerate in the most depraved manner you can possibly imagine, you will ensure that your excess testosterone-and-booze-bred rage is released, just as if you had punched the fellow in the face out the front of the pub. The benefits of this new mode of operation for our society come in a triple-threat package...

Firstly, we can continue to fill the public coffers with alcohol-fuelled taxes, without having to worry about the holier-than-thou’s getting all up in our grill about moral decay on the streets of the city. Secondly, the effects of our less dangerous, stress-free testosterone rage release program will flow on to the workplace, thus ensuring: increased productivity; decreased levels of employee dissent; and lesser likelihoods of industrial action. Thirdly, studies have shown that injuries arising from rape (especially the easier, Rohypnol kind of rape), tend to be more closely associated with mental health problems, rather than any real, physical types of injuries. Working in conjunction with our “kill the crazies” policy, this will ease the strain on the overcrowded public hospital system; thus creating the possibility for state governments to save millions upon millions of tax-payers’ hard-earned galleons via decreased health spending. This process of natural selection will also guarantee ever-increasing levels of general public safety and sanity, law and order, as well as lower levels of silliness and irrationality.” - Robert Doyle

No-one gathered in protest.